It amazes me how many women know about having safe sex but often they do not use that knowledge. How we just take the word of the person we are getting naked with as the truth and virus free? If that was a foul proof method we wouldn't have the STD (sexually transmitted disease) problems we have today!
Growing up in South Africa you learn about HIV and AIDS early on, advertisements and education run ramped in my birth country. Thank goodness that in the Gay community we are a little more educated and pushy about HIV/AIDS education, but still it is the boys doing all the work and putting the information out there. Lesbians remain quiet and some even unaware of the risk of having unsafe sex. I even had a young Lesbian tell me that Lesbians cannot get STDs? Sorry, My Darlings but we are very much susceptible to contracting an STD; in fact no person or groups of people are immune to the spreading of disease. Disease is spread through action, not sexual identity or preference.
The problem lies that when we hear the term OB/GYN we think contraception, and because obviously two ladies cannot make a baby we ignore that part of our medical care. There is a lot more that goes on there then just having a baby and a regular or yearly check up will keep your vagina happy and healthy. A healthy vagina means safer and better sex.
Research shows that Lesbians are at high risk of cervical cancer due to not having regular pap smears and breast examinations (once a year is recommended.) There are many reasons that women do not take care of their sexual health, but there is no excuse. If you are closeted and worried of coming out to your doctor you need to do some research. Call you OB/GYNs in the area and search for a physician that has experience working with Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) individuals.
That is what I do, I learned that I am the client/patient and I want my NEEDS met appropriately by a clinician that knows what they are doing. People are afraid to speak to their doctors, but they want to care for all people so you need to communicate and share your concerns with them. Going to the doctor is part of being a healthy individual, and it shows self-respect.
In addition, a lot of STD's can be treated and are often the result of uncomfortable and painful sex. It is perfectly alright to ask your partner how many people they have had intercourse with, when is the last time they had sex, if they ever had a HIV test, have they ever exchanged needles or have they ever had an abnormal pap smear (they also have the right not to answer). Sadly many STD's aren't noticeable until there is a serious threat, since many remain active below the surface of the skin spreading or dormant infecting others. In fact most times people are infected and are unaware, that's why you have to get a HIV antibody test and practice safe sex. There are Free Medical Clinics, if you do a search you will find them!
The other problem is that Lesbians who have never slept with a man or who have slept with few men think they are not at risk. However, it is the number of partners that really makes the difference, not the gender. With lesbians the larger the number of female partners has been associated with an increased risk of bacterial vaginosis, herpes, and HPV in various studies.
Safer sex practices can be fun and there are many that do not involve exchange of fluids, such as frottage (rubbing aka dry humping with clothes on), nipple and breast play, sharing sex toys with a condom on, genital touching with gloves, oral sex with a barrier, self masturbation, fantasy, talking dirty, reading or watching porn, cyber relationships, voyeurism and exhibitionism.
Safe sex tips:
- Talk to your partner/s!
- Avoid contact with bodily fluids: blood, vaginal, semen and breast milk.
- Get tested regularly and get your partner/s tested, in fact make it a date, one that will make you both more comfortable and relaxed afterward about exploring each other's bodies fully!
- Use dental dams, Lollyes, or plastic wrap for oral-vaginal or oral-anal contact, for example when rimming or cunnilingus.
- Use gloves for hand-vaginal or hand-anal contact, for example fisting.
- Change gloves often when moving from vagina to anal play.
- Wash hands often.
- Use a condom when having sex with a man (if you are bisexual or still questioning) and when sharing toys.
- Do not touch your partner then yourself with the same hand. Wash hands first or change hands.
- Always use water based lube.
- Urinate after sex; this decreases the risk of urinary tract infection.
- Wear gloves if there is blood involved, whether from menstrual cycle, piercing, cuts or shaving.
- Dispose of gloves and condoms carefully.
- Always clean your toys with antibacterial soap and I would even boil them if possible.
- DO NOT share needles, for whatever reason (play piercing, IV drug use, permanent piercing or tattooing.)
If you do have an STD you still deserve to be loved and can have sex, you just have to be more cautious and practice safe sex like everyone else. We all deserve to be loved, respected and cared for, just be honest about where you are in life, how much you can give of yourself and how much you need from your partner. Many STD's are manageable and even treatable if we just take care of ourselves and get medically on a track to promote health in our lives.
You just do not know, so it is important to be careful and mindful. I understand that you are in love and to think of your partner having been with someone else can be disgusting and disturbing. However, the truth is you do not know their past sexual practices, medical status, or history. People make mistakes, slip and are flawed and may not be as monogamous as they promised. So do not pay the price for someone else's choices, it's your body so make sure you make healthy decisions for yourself.
Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru
I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on sexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.
You can follow me on my Blog http://ThelesbianGuru.Com or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru
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